My Cocaine Addiction Story

It’s funny how when you are young-nothing seems dangerous. I, like most other young people, thought myself invincible. While at a party after the bars closed, I was introduced to coke by some “friends”. That sudden rush that hit shortly after snorting it is a sensation I will never forget. Never before had I felt so euphoric and sexually stimulated. I only had to try it once to realize that I loved this stuff! Not only did I feel sexier and euphoric, but I had energy galore. I got stuff done and loved doing it! Of course, I loved using cocaine after that, but that very first high was unbeatable. I kept chasing the ghost, though, and kept doing cocaine.

Every time I would come down from the high, or “crash” it would hit harder. I would sleep sometimes the entire day and even if I didn’t I was not good company. I would get splitting headaches and just feel miserable. All I could think of was snorting more of that drug and feeling good again. When I wasn’t on the coke, it was almost impossible to get motivated to do anything. The energy was just another crutch I used for using drugs. My cocaine addiction story is like so many others. I know because I watched my friends go through it too.

Mine turns out happier than most other stories, however. I lost one friend to cocaine and three others ended up in prison as a result of using (and needing) cocaine. Another friend ended up in an abusive relationship with someone who willingly supplied her with coke, but beat her regularly. I’m here to tell you that there is no such thing as a happy ending to cocaine addiction stories. They all end badly. At the very least, there are years wasted, and at the worse, lives are lost.

I’m thankful that my addiction is a thing of the past. I no longer rely on drugs to get me through the day. I remember the sensations well but I now can be happy and feel sensual without the use of any drug.

The only good part to a cocaine addiction story is the part where the addict stops the drug.

Whether it has been weeks, months or years since you first tried cocaine, it is time to make the decision to stop letting cocaine run your life and if need be, to seek treatment. That is what I did and I will never regret the decision to stop.

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7 Responses to “My Cocaine Addiction Story”

  1. Veronica Says:

    Is rehab the only answer? I’m going to go to meeting, simply wanting to stop obviously doesn’t work.. I feel this sucking the life outta me

  2. Jennifer Says:

    I recently lost a long heartbreaking battle with my fiance. We meet 25 years ago in high school. After seeing his behavor was wild then, I moved to the west cost to come back and have him end up on my door step 21 years later. He was a mess and I had no idea. Things were good until the cocaine snuck into my home that I share with my only daughter. Our lives were destroyed by his addiction and drug dealer coming to my home and threatening me. The endless nights of waiting for him to run out of crack and or cocaine so I could finally sleep knowing he was still breathing. I asked for help from his mother who decided it was my fault since she is an enabling blaming hoish bitch. She overnighted him $5,000. I moved but found that our bills hadnt been paid in months. I could get as far as across the street. For the 6 weeks he was alone is our old home was terrible. He not only smoked/injected the $5,000 while I was at his home every hour during the night and during my lunches to make sure he hadnt overdosed. I have actually seen him inject 2 needles full of coke and hit the crack pipe in one sitting. His dear mother convinced him my idea of rehab was not a good idea but hounded him to become an over the road truck driver. His pain and misery ended after a year on the road and being supplied with meth from his brothers and cousins. He hung himself 4 days before what was suppose to be the day we were married after I thought he was clean for a year. I found out after he sent a disturbing text late on December 13 2011. I called and redialed from 11pm until dec 14 at 2:14pm when the coroner answered telling me what was the most painful word I ever heard. They just got in his truck to hear the phone ringing continually. He was still hanging as I was told he had taken his life. His services where on what was suppose to be a celebration of his recovery and a life we dreamed of. His agony ended the day my nightmare begins. Not only did we lose a friend and family member but he left me enough information to know to get tested. I now am starting a year of treatment for Hep C. I am a single mother who worked so hard to recover from my own addictions. I am 7 years clean and now know, addiction hurts many people, lives are ruined by others pain but loving an addict is pure hell. I have lived both sides of the fence and I now know watching someone you love with your whole heart kill themselves slowing right in your home over a 4 year period is a nightmare I can seem to wake up from. So before you use know the pain your coving up is nothing compared to the pain your family will feel once they have to identify the body of a soul that couldnt seem to see how much he was loved. His pain is now my life. He got the easy way out. I have to live always with the endless unanswewred question…..”what the hell just happend and was I to hard, not hard enough, why? How did I end up paying the price for his choices. Please next time you are presented with an opportunity to use, please please picture yourself in the morge while your mother, father, child, wife, husband, friends hearts break and will never be able to mend. Relationships in my life have changed. I will always be known to have Hep C….not all the wonderful and challenging battles I have already won in my life….noone will remember those. I will forever miss my friend, but am trying to find forgiveness in order to mover forward with the long year of being sick and a life that someone took from me.

  3. Reid Says:

    Acually i like Cocaine

  4. amandamurray Says:

    Reid, thank you. I really appreciate your story. Any chance we can talk? Via e-mail? I’m a little lost / scared. Your story inspired me. I’d appreciate it. Thank you. Amanda.

  5. JCHILL Says:

    I feel that I have ran my life in reverse order. Most people that i know used drugs in high school. I was the anti-drug person, didn’t so much as smoke pot or anything. That was 20 years ago! fast forward to today. I’m now 36 years old, and I now have to admit that I have used coke. Not something I’m proud of but its reality. Went thru a bitter divorce 4 years ago and its been a roller coaster the whole time. Drinking beer has been my thing since I was about 15. It has always been socially acceptable in my family and my community when I was raised. Now back to the coke use. Lost a good job (my own fault), running with tons of new people and trying new things….that is where the reverse order of life that I talked about comes in. Cocaine became a crutch for me, when things were rough or things went bad I used. At those moments there seemed to be no problems. sometimes for days..

  6. jennifer Says:

    Amanda, I’m not sure who you asked to talk to, myself or Reid. I’ve had several addiction battles and coke being one. But I had never seen someone so hell bent on distruction. I hope you make your mind up soon. And Reid, you’d be lying to say you love the crash. I like coke too. But I love myself and my family more. If you must use, at least always tell somebody that cares what your doing. And be safe. Peace.

  7. jennifer Says:

    Amanda, I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. Of course if you need I would love to help. I certainly don’t judge, due to I’m still working hard everyday to remind myself, I’ve never met an addict that wants to be one. I feel I saw hell on a hot day and. Decided that was no way to live my life. I have a long way to go, but I don’t and haven’t used in a long time. The rest is easy. The anxiety and insomnia stinks, but, now when I’m up all night, I’m not tweeking and I’m proud of myself every morning. Thats just what works for me. When I have flashback memories, ill think of how much I miss my old friend and how come it wasn’t that easy for him. But I’m glad I am where I am right now. I’m actually happy today. I never thought I smile again, I’m glad I did the work. Its was hard but alot easier than using. I admit I hurt by my losses and shame, but I learn ways to not fix what’s gone but learn n move on. Cut ties, losses and start over.

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