Working It Out.
Posted in Cocaine Addiction Stories on September 1st, 2010 by JanetI’m a returned vet and I haven’t worked since I came back from the war. My family didn’t know me – they kissed goodbye to an office boy – I came back as a frontline combat soldier.
My marriage didn’t last too long – nothing I could put my finger on. Things that my wife kept making a fuss about seemed pretty pointless to me. I lost interest in sex, stopped jogging round the park. Was drinking a few cans of beer a day – my psychiatrist said I had anhedonia.
I remember one evening in front of the tv I saw a vein pulsing in my wife’s neck in the soft glow from the screen. I rapidly calculated how to best to shift myself over to stop the pulse in the artery. It was a shock when I came to myself and realized that I had just made a field assessment on my wife.
One day I was complaining at my mother’s house. She was a widow now. She simply said if it will help you out – come and live with me. So I moved in with my mother and things worked out quite well. She doesn’t mind how much beer I drink as long as I put the empty cans in the sink for her rinse through and recycle.
Was one incident early on when mother tipped a full bottle of scotch whiskey into the kitchen sink. When I realized what she’d done – I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around to face me. Don’t ever do that again I growled – and for emphasis followed it up with – and that’s a direct order. It was about this time that I started to use cocaine with a group of ex army pals – this incident with mother had confused me – I didn’t want issues between us about whiskey drinking again.


The past year, I was dealing drugs. I sold coke to make profit and make more money that I had. Soon enough, I started to think that everybody was out to get me and I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I now realize that instead of helping out people, I was destroying them like a poisonous snakebite. I viewed everybody as a potential customer. Even my friends were noticing it because I was always asking them that if they wanted anything come and see me. The implications were the worst, I would sell coke to different people and I would see the pain and the strong addiction that they were hooked on. I was feeling so bad giving more coke to them. They were looking at me like I was their God; instead I was the dealer who sold the devil’s creation. I really hope that if you have or know somebody with the same situation that I had, help him or her see the light out of a world of darkness.
I would like to share some advice; that each of you should love yourself. When I was a teenage girl, I was easy and would sleep around. This was disrespectful to myself. This is not the way to get love or appreciation. You need to respect yourself before others will to. I am now a modest, faithful woman with more self confidence. I hope that every young lady can love and save that love for someone deserving.